We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
