ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Randomize
