u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
This is my life. Enjoy the view
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
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