Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
