dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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