i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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