do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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