i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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