Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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