i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
