someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
