dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
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