On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Randomize
