All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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