The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
