I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
There are leaves in my underwear?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
