She is in my trunk
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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