o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
