Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
