I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
