I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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