I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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