im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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