At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
