You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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