I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
