try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
