I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
