I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
BRING THE BAGELS
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
