this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
