he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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