if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Randomize
