You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
