dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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