You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
