I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
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