she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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