no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I supernannyed him into submission
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
i out mim tonsoeep
Randomize
