Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
