I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
