I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
