this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
