i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
