Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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