it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I got inside last night via doggy door
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
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