the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
