that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
You were trust falling into bushes
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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