I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I made him laugh his dick is mine
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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