This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
