The brown eye won't let me do that either.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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